First up, the Wellness Belt
To be completely honest, I had never heard of the Wellness Belt until this morning when I heard a commercial for this product while listening to a radio station marketed towards Zoomers.
I could not believe what I was hearing.
According to the commercial, the Wellness Belt is the health breakthrough that every soon to be senior citizen has been waiting for.
Simply by wearing the ultra-fashionable Wellness Belt throughout your day to day activities, you will experience:
- Effortless Weight Loss
- The Elimination of Back Pain
- A Reversal of Osteoporosis
- Improved cardio-vascular fitness, a reduction in cholesterol, high blood pressure and a lowered risk of heart attack
- Improved posture, reduced back pain, less intense headaches and migraines, increased neck range of motion and elimination of menstrual cramping. People with scoliosis have reported reduced tightness in the spine.
- Increased free time as you never have to exercise ever again
How do I get one?
Well, I’ll tell you.
For a limited time, you can save $30 off the regular price!!!
That’s right. For just $167.97 +s/h & applicable taxes, you too can own your very own Wellness Belt.
OR for less money, I can buy a set of 6 indestructible exercise bands and a single kettlebell.
With this equipment, I can expect to experience:
- Actual Fat Loss
- Increased Muscle Mass
- Increased Strength
- Increased Anaerobic Endurance
- Improved Body Image
- Improved Sex Appeal
- An Improvement in many types of Pain (back, head, neck) caused by Muscular Imbalances
- A Potential Improvement in Osteoporosis due to increased Osteoblast production caused by longitudinal loading of the long bones of the body.
- Improved Cardio-Vascular Fitness
- Increased pride as I know that I earned my new and improved body.
What to do, what to do?
On one hand, I have a product that requires no effort, is unlikely to do anything useful and is only being purchased by the self-deluded and extremely dim-witted.
On the other hand, I have a set of products that are going to require time, effort and buckets of sweat. But in return, I am pretty sure to transform my body into something I can be proud of.
Darn it, I cant decide.
What do you think?
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